Hyper-gendered theology is bad theology
I grew up in the Christian homeschooling movement. The movement has some dappled shadows; there are good aspects, and there are really bad aspects, and which aspects you experience depends on which area you grow up in.
While my family didn't take it on, I grew up on the border of one particularly harmful shadow: belief in hyper-distinct masculine and feminine roles. For homeschoolers, this belief was popularized by figures like Bill Gothard and Doug Phillips. The same beliefs show up in lots of manifestations of religious fundamentalism, from Islam to some of the Independent Fundamental Baptist movement.
In the Christian homeschool context, that hyper-gendering (HG) takes the form of theology about what it means to be a man or a woman. HG theology leans heavily on the KJV translation of Gen. 2:18—thus the term “help meet”:
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Gen 2:18 KJV)
HG theology proponents interpret the phrase “help meet for him” as (1) defining the ultimate purpose for the existence of women and as (2) meaning “a helper suited to Adam’s needs.”[1]
In its extreme forms, the consequences of this interpretation include these beliefs:
- Woman was created to serve man as a happy slave, particularly the man she marries.[2]
I know this sounds really extreme. To see why I use the word slave, please see the quote at footnote 2 below. Even if the author doesn't say slave explicitly, that is the nature of the relationship being described. - A woman only has purpose relative to her husband. She’s the catalyst to his purpose, and she’s intended to have no purpose outside of marriage.
Consequences of Hyper-Gendered Theology
Let’s follow HG theology to one of its most common practical consequences: if a woman’s sole purpose in life is to support the work or ministry of a man, then she should be reticent to report misconduct that might harm the work or ministry of that man. To reiterate: this is a logical outcome of Hyper-Gendered theology. If the man’s ministry defines the purpose of the woman, then she is forced to sacrifice both herself and the truth to his success.Oh look, that’s interesting—both Bill Gothard and Doug Phillips have faced allegations of sexually abusing underage subordinates after years of coverups. Those allegations have been confirmed by reluctant, obfuscating confession (Phillips) and investigations (Gothard).
The consequences of this theology are horrific, and the theology itself contradicts Scripture.
Women have purpose outside of marriage
God has no problem with either men or women remaining unmarried (1 Cor. 7:7-8). In fact, Paul sees singleness as preferable in at least some circumstances.For both men and women (1 Cor. 7:32-34), Paul says singleness frees up believers to pursue their relationships with God with undivided attention.
God’s purpose for the lives of both men and women must be able to be fulfilled by single folks, whether male or female.
Being a help does not necessarily involve subordination
God is our helper (Exo. 18:4; Psa. 33:20—the same Hebrew word), so helping must not necessarily imply subordination.What was Eve helping with? The mission God had given to Adam: cultivating and keeping Creation (Gen. 2:15). That’s the mission of humankind, and both men and women are called to help with it.
I’m highlighting some ambiguity here. The helper role may be a marriage-role (wife to husband), but it may instead be a humanity-role (subsequently-created humans to first-created human—I’d see Rom. 5:12-17 as a precedent here).
Because there are only two humans in Gen. 2, both of those are possible. If there were more humans, but Eve was singled out as Adam’s helper, then it would clearly be a marriage-role. In this case, though, there are just two humans, so either role is possible.
To be really clear: the helper-role in Gen. 2 may or may not be related to marriage or gender, but even if it is, being a help does not necessarily involve being subordinate to the one you're helping.
What Gen. 2:18 does communicate
1. Whether or not they’re married, it’s not good for humans to be alone (see Prov. 18:1). If you’re single, you still need authentic relationship.I say “authentic” because I think the main point of Gen. 2:25, “naked but not ashamed,” is that Adam and Eve’s relationship was both safe and mutually vulnerable. Sexuality offers one path for a husband and wife to express that kind of authenticity, but there are also non-sexual ways for both married and single believers to practice authentic relationship.
2. God made marriage to be good—for both spouses. If a wife is a suitable partner for her husband, it follows that the husband will be a suitable partner for his wife.
I like the image David Benner uses. Human sexuality is a little like an egg: egg white and egg yoke correspond to each other. Both are just as much egg without the other, but they’re able to form a whole. The parts differ from each other, but share a single essence.[3]
Moving forward
The Conservative church tends to have lots to say about how secular culture gets sexuality wrong, but some widespread Conservative beliefs about sexuality need to be reexamined in light of Scripture, too.If you’re interested in going deeper, these are some of the books that have been shaping my thinking recently:
- Laurie and Matt Krieg, An Impossible Marriage (Amazon | HooplaDigital)
- David G. Benner, Soulful Spirituality (Amazon | HooplaDigital)
I disagree with about half of what Benner writes, but I find even our disagreements to help me out.
--
Footnotes
[1] Quoted from Debi Pearl, Created to Be His Help Meet, ch. 1, “Your Divine Calling.”
[2] Debi Pearl writes that “A perfect help meet is one who does not require a list of chores, as would a child. Her readiness to please motivates her to look around and see the things she knows her husband would like to see done” (Created to Be His Help Meet, ch. 1, “Your Divine Calling.”)
[3] David G. Benner, Soulful Spirituality, ch. 7, “Our Sexual Self.”
[3] David G. Benner, Soulful Spirituality, ch. 7, “Our Sexual Self.”
Thank you for writing on this topic, Jason. I think that it’s easy for someone to come across ideas that are helpful in a resource & swallow some bad theology without realizing it.
ReplyDeleteIn the course of years of a marriage I think the balance goes back & forth between each partner helping the other more. (Think bicycle.) that’s a healthy relationship. In the book He Wins, She Wins by Willard Harley he talks about the scenario of a couple marrying, then one spouse continuing in grad school for years. Many times the other spouse picks up the slack for that season, and sometimes that never returns to a more balanced, helping relationship. Habits are developed in those years that can create longer term imbalance—like wearing thin on the inside of a tire—even after grad school is done.
all that to say, it’s important to create an environment in a marriage where each can speak freely & both can seek help from a third party if they’re stuck or re-covering the same ground over & over.