Where Anger Comes From

This post is the first in a series of two on anger and forgiveness. Today, an exploration of where anger comes from.

Created in God’s Image to Rule

When God created us in His image, He also blessed us with the responsibility and authority to rule over Creation on His behalf and in fellowship with Him (Gen. 1:26-27).

Because God gave us that authority, every one of us rules over a little kingdom where we have legitimate authority to choose what happens. For example, you could close this blog post right now. That choice legitimately belongs to you. 

Overlapping Kingdoms

These little kingdoms can overlap—there can be areas where several people have a legitimate right to choose what happens. When kingdoms overlap, they can do a lot more together than they would alone, whether for good or evil.

It’s really good—enjoyable, fruitful, fulfilling—for my little kingdom to be in alignment with my coworkers’ little kingdoms. Voluntarily sharing our resources and having patience for each other’s differences open us up to do more as a team than all of us could do separately.

On the flip side, it’s really bad when people align their little kingdoms in opposition to God’s Kingdom. Aligned rebel kingdoms have a lot more potential for evil than the individual kingdoms could achieve on their own.

When people overlap their kingdoms voluntarily, that overlap is almost always productive and beneficial for everyone involved. But when one person usurps control in another person’s kingdom, that’s almost always harmful. 

[1]

I say "almost always" because there are cases in which a higher authority’s kingdom may legitimately overrule someone without their consent. Consider how important it is for parents to overrule young children to prevent them from hurting themselves (Prov. 3:11-12 — but don’t miss that Eph. 6:4 limits the ways parents overrule children), or for governments to use violence to limit evil (Rom. 13:7).

Again, your kingdom is the legitimate range of your will—the domain where God has given you authority over what happens. 

When someone compromises your legitimate authority, that’s frustrating.

The Toothpaste

If your spouse keeps squeezing the toothpaste in the wrong place, you probably find that frustrating. You’ll hopefully try to reach an agreement with your spouse that will voluntarily overlap both of your kingdoms in a way that’s good for both of you.

If your spouse isn’t interested in finding a good overlap-solution, though—if they insist that their will must be done without consideration for your will in this corner of your little kingdom—your frustration will probably grow into anger.

What’s the difference? The inconvenience with the toothpaste is the same, right? 

But offense with intention shows that the other person is willing to harm my kingdom.

Anger’s Purpose

Anger is our natural response to someone compromising the legitimate range of another person’s kingdom, often our own. If you’re angry, that means that you see part of God’s image in you or someone else being disrespected or compromised, even in a small way.

[2]

Sometimes we think our little kingdoms are bigger than they actually are. That’s why I framed this statement as “you see disrespect” — it’s not uncommon for us to be frustrated when our will isn’t done, even if that’s actually outside the legitimate range of our little kingdoms.

Anger affects every dimension of our lives. It’s an emotion, but it arises when our minds perceive our kingdoms being violated, and when it’s present, it energizes our bodies too. 

When we get used to that energy, we may even get in the habit of seeking it out by rehearsing others’ wrongdoings or by reading convenient curated lists of horrible things people have done (news organizations and social media are happy to help with these lists). 

Seeking to be angry is bad for us. Seeking anger degrades our vision until we can’t see the value people have even if we’re upset with them. That can lead us to treat people with contempt, and even violence, and those things have no place in the kingdom of God (Matt. 5:21-24).

Anger is designed to notify us of intruders in our little kingdoms and to mobilize us to kick them out. It’s a good servant, but it’s a pretty bad master. 

Anger’s Result

But anger can get stuff done. If you’re upset enough about the toothpaste, your spouse will probably reconsider how much their squeezing method matters to them. Anger can drive them out of that corner of your kingdom.

That leaves a problem, right? Now your spouse’s little kingdom has an invader—you, and you’ve demonstrated that you’re willing to invade their little kingdom to make sure your kingdom is respected. 

That’s going to make fruitful, voluntary overlap harder in the future, since voluntary overlap really depends on being able to trust that you both care about each other. I think this is why James 1:20 says that man’s anger doesn’t bring about the righteousness of God.

But what’s the alternative? If your kingdom is violated willfully, how can you respond to that injustice if not by getting angry? That’s the next topic in this series.